Suggestions from one of our 9-12 leaders.

At a recent meeting in Littleton,as always, I arrived at the event with my "confrontational hat on" ready to do verbal battle with the enemy. As the event went on I found myself having an experience similar to those I have had at the last two events I have attended. Namely  engaging on one with someone from the other side. At the Perlmutter event I had a 20 minute conversation with a young union rep from the UFCW. That was not only not confrontational but possibly productive. I had another conversation with a teacher who was a proponent of the government option and at the end of that conversation we actually hugged.

At the Littleton meeting, I was having a conversation with a woman who was also a proponent of the government option and we were having a very productive conversation when another woman walked up who was anti-Obamacare. The second woman (I will call her a Republican to help keep the players straight) became very confrontational and called the first woman a liar. I tried to salvage the conversation but it was too late. I confronted the  Republican woman and explained to her that her unthinking anger had just proved that she was part of an ''angry mob'' who wasn't worth talking to.

So...here is some advice ...we need to make converts not enemies.

• Don't get confrontational without understanding the consequences of doing so. It is much better to keep your head and remain civil and polite.
• Listen to the other person, and I mean really listen. Don't be trying to come up with the best comeback the world has ever heard. Why should they stand there and listen to you if you won't return the favor, and if they won't listen to you then the  conversation is probably a waste of time anyway.
• Understand what you know and what you don't know. Admitting that you don't know a fact is much better than lying about it. Learn from what you don't know for the next conversation. For example, I learned that I need to learn more about Oregon's healthcare system.
• Remember the person you are talking to is not Obama or Pelosi any more than you are George Bush. Don't project your anger into the conversation. Understand that they are there for a reason too and it is probably just as important to them as your reason is to you. See them as a person and treat them as you would treat you grandmother or grandfather. Think of how you would treat this person if you met them at the mall or a friend’s house having no idea what their politics were.
• Admit when you or your guy is wrong. Guess what, George Bush was in office for 8 years and he didn't close the border. Do you think that might have contributed to the increase in healthcare costs? If you make a mistake or get a little excited and exaggerate something, admit it. If nothing else the look on the other person's face is priceless as they try to figure out what you are trying to pull by admitting a mistake.  This will give you credibility and will demonstrate that you are a real person not a “typical Republican”  Remember you are an American first.  Don’t defend the indefensible.
• Stay humble. This isn't about you and how good of a debater you are. This is about our country. Surely you will be willing to sacrifice a little pride for the cause. Humility comes from self confidence and knowledge. If you believe and understand what you say, then there is no reason to get defensive or angry. That person can't take anything away from you.
• If you are in a bad conversation walk away, don't yell back. The other person doesn't want to converse with you and no amount of yelling is going to convince them. Where is the harm in walking away?
• The truth is on our side. The truth doesn't need to be doctored or screamed or chanted. It just needs to be spoken.
• We need the person you are talking to help us rebuild this country. We don't have to accept all of their ideas but when we give and take we will find more often than not that we have more in common with this person that we don't.
• It is time to stop the angry conversations, the hateful and non-productive signs. (Pelosi's plastic surgery is probably not the most relevant topic) screaming at a congressman makes you look like an idiot. It's worse when you do it in front of a crowd of people and 3 news cameras. I saw it happen on Saturday. I was standing right by Perlmutter when it happened, and I couldn't blame the congressman for not listening. Screaming is verbal violence and I am having a hard time trying to come up with a time that it would ever be productive. If you see someone else on your side acting like this, tell them to stop
• Don't make the angry mob label true. Having 500 people hear you scream at Ed Perlmutter is far less valuable than having a genuine exchange with 1 person.
• I am angry at what has happened to this country. I am angry at congress I am angry at the President, I am angry because of the wasted money and broken economy... But I am most angry at myself. It took the rapidly coming destruction of this country as it was intended, for me to get off my butt and start working and I have many years of apathy to make up for. But anger without direction will either eat you alive from the inside out, or it will cause you to explode causing damage and hurt in all directions.